| | **sigh** So I think I'm in a pickle. Over what, you ask? Over the -- dare I say it -- much debated f*ck buddy scenario/situation thing. It's weird because it's been brought up on Xanga a lot over the past month or so, which is about how long I've been dealing with these weird emotions about it. I won't go into much detail because we'd be here all day, just that my "friend" and I started chillin' August of last year, stopped after I began a relationship with someone else, and commenced once that relationship ended. We've been going [at it!] strong since January, and everything had been pretty much excellent until mid-late April. See, he caught feelings first...if my text message memory serves me right. Example A: He and his roommate hosted an after-party at his house one night and I tagged along with my friends. I wasn't really having a good day and I guess he could sense that when I brushed past him without speaking on my way out the door. He automatically assumed my attitude had something to do with the females who were hanging on him all night [side note: he's very attractive, very charismatic and very popular, which can be dangerous!]. He texted me later, "Don't think I was doing something cuz I wasn't, alright?", or something to that extent. I told him my anger had nothing to do with him, because it didn't. Example B: We were "flirtexting" [I guess that's what people call it?] one night and he tried to get me to admit that I liked him. To ease him, I told him I did and asked him if he liked me. He responded with, "Yea, I ain't gonna lie". And that's when stuff changed for real, for real. These two examples happened within like, less than a week of each other [don't know if that matters or not]. The things he's been doing/saying seem to be more heartfelt, I've noticed. For instance, he'll call or text me to check on me, to let me know when he's leaving or entering town, etc., and it wasn't really like that before [or maybe it was and I never noticed it]. Now that he's essentially admitted to liking me, I feel like I might be crushing on him too, which ain't supposed to happen! Like, why did he even admit that shit to me? I'm one of those people who believe that FWBs/f*ck buddies/booty calls absolutely CANNOT and SHOULD NOT become relationship material. Call me old-fashioned, a realist, a whatever, but that's just how I feel. Ok, I will say this: I feel like he would be great boyfriend material, but I just cannot see myself being in a relationship with him. From what I understand, he was [or perhaps still is?] a male whore [which sort of makes me retarded for sleeping with him]. At least, that's what word on the street was when we first started hanging out. I would say to someone who also knew him, "Yeah, I chilled with so-and-so last night" and they'd be like, "Oh, for real? You know he a ho, right?". That's one thing I prided myself on from jump, knowing that I probably wasn't the only one and, not really being "content" with that, but recognizing it and pushing it to the side. Apparently, I might be the only one now. We spend an awful lot of time together for him to be fucking around with someone else, but anything is possible. Trust, dudes will make time to chill with other females if they're feeling them in that way. I guess I can also be proud of myself for holding out and not catching feelings until he did; cause, you know, usually it's the other way around with the female giving in first. Part of me feels like I should end the whole "sex" aspect of it right now and maybe just hang out with him. We've actually done that quite a few times and I enjoyed it, just sitting there watching TV and joking around, not having to worry about who's making the first move or if I'm staying for breakfast, lol. I must admit that I do overanalyze shit, I think too much and I worry wayyyy too much. Honestly, he could've been lying when he said he liked me, he could be saying the same thing to other girls [which is why I brushed it off when he told me] or maybe he doesn't even mean "like" in that sense. Anyway, for those of you out there involved in f*ck buddy situations, UNLESS YOU HAVE NO HEART/SOUL, YOU WILL CATCH FEELINGS! No ifs, ands, or buts about it, I promise you. Doesn't matter if you're male, female, whatever. I never thought it could or would happen to me, now look @ my ass! Tragedy.
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| | Posted 5/15/2009 12:15 PM - 1 View - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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