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Shanazz
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Name: Nazz
Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States
Birthday: 11/3/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Right now, my interests are pretty much anything except college. Chillin', anything relating to MLB (esp. my BoSox!), hustlin', shoppin', causin' DEBAUCHERY, talkin' nonsense...just your typical college kid stuff
Expertise: I seriously don't have any expertise. I can type a million words a minute, if that counts for anything...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  smlbfreak
Yahoo:  bnugg
Member Since:
11/15/2005
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| Yeah. It's 7:06 as I type this. I haven't been asleep since 10am yesterday morning. Why, you ask? Um, because I was prescribed hydrocodone (aka Vicodin) by my dentist to help with some toothache pain, and I had noooooooo idea it would give me eons of energy & keep me up all damn night -_- From now on, I think I'll just stick to sleeping pills and OTC painkillers, lmao. Anyway, so let's do a quick re-cap of all that's gone on since my last entry:
1. I moved to Charlotte, NC, for law school ! Yep. Your girl's a part-time evening 1L at the new and private Charlotte School of law.
- It's really not as difficult as I thought it would be. Yes, tons of reading -- even for a part-time student -- but I have a ton of motivation. Before classes even started last month, I was on WEEK 4 of readings for one of my classes...and the professor is just now finishing up Week 2 reading discussions. Let's see if I'm still this eager come December 2010 (after finals).
2. Lost the cat today...again -_-
- Cat jumped off the balcony (we stay on the 2nd floor) while I was at school. Roomy texted me and told me. This is the 2nd time that damn cat has escaped. The first time was in June and somehow (in a way I'll never understand), he was able to use his paw to open the front door and just waltzed out. He was gone for 3 weeks and when we found him, he was all emaciated and shit, ribs showing. Man, I was heartbroken the first go-round: put up fliers, visited animal shelters, knocked on doors, put ads on Craigslist, etc. But now, I'm to the point where I really don't care because his dumb ass shouldn't have opened the balcony door and jumped off ! I'm sure he'll get scared and come back eventually...unless he's been catnapped or something worse happened to him. Either way, neighbors said they'll keep an eye out for him and we put some tuna outside for him to eat if he gets the urge to come back.
3. Still don't have a boyfriend...and I'm cool with that !
- I just don't wanna be 30 and single. My goal was to be in a serious relationship at least by the time I'm 25...and I still have a little over a year to go. I mean, I was in a relationship earlier this year, but I'd hardly consider it "serious". Been about a year since my last serious one.
4. Got a job interview in 1.5 hrs.
- Yeah, I know, right? So I was bored and filled out an application on Staples' web site, since they were hiring. Did that Tuesday around 3pm, got a call yesterday at damn near the crack of dawn saying I could come in for an interview. Talk about a quick turnaround time. I really don't need the money since I'm pretty much living off of my loan refund check, but I feel really bad about spending the government's money (money that I have to pay back, mind you) on bullshit. I'd feel a lot less guilty spending my own money on bullshit.
5. I'm about 2 seconds from tossing this piece-of-shit computer off the balcony.
- Why? Um, because my freaking cursor keeps jumping whenever I type. Here, I'll type a sentence for you. Okalher one.e anotl typy, I'. <--- See what the hell I mean? I don't want to buy another laptop because this one is fine, but seriously. I do all my schoolwork -- notes and everything -- on the computer, so I'm sure you can understand my frustration. As a matter of fact, it's pissing me off so much that I'll finish this entry later. Good chattin' with ya, Xanga.
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I'm stressed beyond belief. And it's weird because part of me doesn't even know exactly why. I can day it's the law school application process and I can day it's my job. But these two things have been bothering me for so long that they're now a part of my daily life. I think it's him. Who, you ask? This dude I've been talking to for the past two or so months. We started off friends, tried the dating thing for a month & a half, now we're back friends. I don't know. Something about him really makes me uneasy at times, & I can't pinpoint it. I never thought that someone I've only known for not much more than 60 days could fill my life with so much emotion, both good & bad. He's like an intricate puzzle I wish to solve and the fact that I can't eats away at me at night. Surprisingly, I do care very deeply for him. Part of me wishes I didn't, wishes I could get back to how my life was before I met him...but I can't. My heart races when I get texts from him or hear his voice on the phone, but my mind tells me to leave him alone. I wish I had self control when it came to him & the mind games in which we constantly partake, but I do love the thrill of it. Y'know, sometimes I tell myself it's not even worth it, to just hang up my shoes & chunk the deuces, but something keeps pulling me back into this mangled, tangled web we've woven. I want to help him, Lord knows I do. But I can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. I'm not saying he's like that per se, but...I guess for now I'll just sit back and be a casualty of the inner war between my heart & mind. Sometimes I wish I didn't care so damn much. Sometimes I wish I was heartless enough to say goodbye & mean it, but that's not the type of person I am. I DO care. I just pray to God this all works out for the both of us, & I get answers to questions I never knew I had. | | |
| I'm in a very good mood today for some reason, even after getting oh...4 hrs of sleep. Yesterday was terrible, dawg. I found out I basically have to retake the LSAT, like the day before I go to Boston. It was also the anniversary of my ex's death. So yeah...I spent a good portion of the day crying. No more tears for me. No more feeling sorry for myself. 2010 is a new year, and I'm going to attempt to make the best of it. I shall not give up! I'd really not rather go to work today, though, lol. I just ate breakfast and I have something in my teeth. I don't feel like looking for my floss and I cut my nails last week, so I guess that piece of bacon will just stay in there *shrug*. I watched "The Notebook" for the first time a few weeks ago, and that movie was awesome. Hell, it may be one of my favorites now. I also watched "No Country For Old Men" which was pretty good, but it pissed me off because the damn killer got away. And he was oh-so-ruthless. I started to watch "Precious", but I can't stomach that shit. | | |
| Hmm. Not really sure how to begin. Don't you hate it when something or someone is constantly on your mind, even though you know it/they shouldn't be? I am so tired of this shit, man. You know the dude I was in "partnership" with that had a girlfriend? Well, there has hardly been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about him in some way, shape or form. I feel as though he should be the last person on my mind, especially after how he hurt me, betrayed me, etc. To this day, I'm trying to figure out what it was/is about him that still has me hanging on. I guess it was my belief that he was pretty much perfect in every way, and for me to find out via deception that he wasn't has yet to sit well with me. It's more annoying than anything else, really. I'm just tired of thinking about him, what he's doing, tired of comparing other guys to him, tired of secretly wanting him. No dude has ever captivated me like this, and it's very uncomfortable. They do say it takes 1/2 the time you were involved with someone to get over them after it's ended. If that's the case, it lasted 13 months, it's been 2 months since I "ended" it, so I go about 4.5 to go. I am praying to GOD that I be over it (and him) by then. That's all the way in freakin March. If I'm still thinking about him this frequently in March, I need a swift kick to the ass or something. I have no desire to call him or text him (although I did in October for his bday and he said it was good to hear from me). I'm just at a loss. I'm really praying to God that I either A. stop thinking about him altogether or B. find someone to get my mind off him. | | |
| Okay, so the Lord answered my prayers and hurried the situation along. I'm done with him. Come to find out, he has a girlfriend. No, he didn't tell me and no, I didn't find out on my own. My homegirl was on his FB page and saw that shit. So I texted him like, "So, in a relationship? Hmm, must be nice." And he's like "yep", all nonchalant and shit. So I proceed to cuss his ass out through text because I was at work. And then he's like "I thought you knew that. My fault, I apologize." So I'm like "If I knew that, I wouldn't be fucking you. I don't get down like that. And I don't Facebook stalk. Someone else told me." So I guess that's the impetus I needed to not talk to or see him anymore. Now I have a solid reason, and while I'm pissed off, I'm happy. It's weird because I've been trying to push him away from me for so long, but I always gave in. Thank you, Jesus. Like, as mad as I am, I am soooooo relieved and so happy. Just cutting him off without a valid reason wasn't going to work for me. Now that I have that reason, I feel a lot better. Deleted him out my phone, deleted him from FB, now I have no freaking reason to talk to him. What can I say? It was good while it lasted (and boy, was it good *wink*). But I was telling one of my homeboys about it and he was like, "He's gonna come back. It's just up to you to say no and keep it that way." I feel like he's absolutely right. He was like, "Give it a few months and dude will call you or text you. You just gotta ignore it." We had been messing around for over a year. It's not like we just started chilling or anything like that. I won't say we have history or anything like that, but in a way we kind of do. When you have sex with a person for that long, whether you're in relationship or not, you're gonna have some sort of feelings for that person. I don't give a damn. He can sit there all day, shout to the Lord and scream until the cows come home: he had feelings for me. And unfortunately, as this blog shows, I had feelings for him. I feel like it's gonna take me a while to get over it, but I will eventually. Outta sight, outta mind. Ain't that how the saying goes? Like, it was hard to get over him while we were still texting/calling each other, but when you don't talk to that person for a long time, that shit subsides eventually. Obviously he didn't care about me enough to be honest with me, so I could give a shit about him now. When I found out, I was to the point where I didn't care if he walked into oncoming traffic or some shit like that, real talk. I know that's not right but when you mad, you mad. But I'm cool now. Talking it out with my friends and thinking about it has done me good, I guess. All I can say is I'm glad he's in another state because if he was still living here, he would've gotten fucked up. And that's real. I was telling one of my friends that when I get really mad, it ain't pretty. It's prety terrible, actually. I probably would've busted out his windows or something like that. I'm just upset that he couldn't be honest with me about it, you know? I let him know when I had a boyfriend and we stopped talking and fooling around when I was in that relationship. But he couldn't have been man enough to tell me? Like, what the fuck? You cheated on your girlfriend with me. I don't even know how long they've been together, but I just feel bad for ol girl. Like damn, homie. You're dude cheated on you with me. I could FB her and tell her, but A) I'm not one for drama and B) I don't wanna be the person in the middle. I AM classy, I'll give myself that, lol. I just don't like being lied to. As far as my pet peeves, aside from people being tardy, people not returning texts/calls and people staring at me, a liar is quite high on the list. He lied by omission, but IT'S STILL FUCKING LYING. Man, I am TOO good for this. God has blessed me many times over, and I don't freaking deserve to be treated like this. I'm awesome, cute, I have 2 degrees, my own car and crib...AND a full-time well-paying job...AND I'm trying to go to law school! But in the end, I also let myself be treated this way. So yes, it's my fault. I'm woman enough to admit that. Never too prideful to admit when I'm wrong. I guess that's it, though. I guess that's the last hurrah. Til next time...DEUCES. | | |
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