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Shanazz
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Name: Nazz
Country: United States
State: Massachusetts
Metro: Boston
Birthday: 11/3/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: Right now, my interests are pretty much anything except college. Chillin', anything relating to MLB (esp. my BoSox!), hustlin', shoppin', causin' DEBAUCHERY, talkin' nonsense...just your typical college kid stuff
Expertise: I seriously don't have any expertise. I can type a million words a minute, if that counts for anything...
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  smlbfreak
Yahoo:  bnugg
Member Since:
11/15/2005
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| I'm in a very good mood today for some reason, even after getting oh...4 hrs of sleep. Yesterday was terrible, dawg. I found out I basically have to retake the LSAT, like the day before I go to Boston. It was also the anniversary of my ex's death. So yeah...I spent a good portion of the day crying. No more tears for me. No more feeling sorry for myself. 2010 is a new year, and I'm going to attempt to make the best of it. I shall not give up! I'd really not rather go to work today, though, lol. I just ate breakfast and I have something in my teeth. I don't feel like looking for my floss and I cut my nails last week, so I guess that piece of bacon will just stay in there *shrug*. I watched "The Notebook" for the first time a few weeks ago, and that movie was awesome. Hell, it may be one of my favorites now. I also watched "No Country For Old Men" which was pretty good, but it pissed me off because the damn killer got away. And he was oh-so-ruthless. I started to watch "Precious", but I can't stomach that shit. | | |
| Hmm. Not really sure how to begin. Don't you hate it when something or someone is constantly on your mind, even though you know it/they shouldn't be? I am so tired of this shit, man. You know the dude I was in "partnership" with that had a girlfriend? Well, there has hardly been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about him in some way, shape or form. I feel as though he should be the last person on my mind, especially after how he hurt me, betrayed me, etc. To this day, I'm trying to figure out what it was/is about him that still has me hanging on. I guess it was my belief that he was pretty much perfect in every way, and for me to find out via deception that he wasn't has yet to sit well with me. It's more annoying than anything else, really. I'm just tired of thinking about him, what he's doing, tired of comparing other guys to him, tired of secretly wanting him. No dude has ever captivated me like this, and it's very uncomfortable. They do say it takes 1/2 the time you were involved with someone to get over them after it's ended. If that's the case, it lasted 13 months, it's been 2 months since I "ended" it, so I go about 4.5 to go. I am praying to GOD that I be over it (and him) by then. That's all the way in freakin March. If I'm still thinking about him this frequently in March, I need a swift kick to the ass or something. I have no desire to call him or text him (although I did in October for his bday and he said it was good to hear from me). I'm just at a loss. I'm really praying to God that I either A. stop thinking about him altogether or B. find someone to get my mind off him. | | |
| Okay, so the Lord answered my prayers and hurried the situation along. I'm done with him. Come to find out, he has a girlfriend. No, he didn't tell me and no, I didn't find out on my own. My homegirl was on his FB page and saw that shit. So I texted him like, "So, in a relationship? Hmm, must be nice." And he's like "yep", all nonchalant and shit. So I proceed to cuss his ass out through text because I was at work. And then he's like "I thought you knew that. My fault, I apologize." So I'm like "If I knew that, I wouldn't be fucking you. I don't get down like that. And I don't Facebook stalk. Someone else told me." So I guess that's the impetus I needed to not talk to or see him anymore. Now I have a solid reason, and while I'm pissed off, I'm happy. It's weird because I've been trying to push him away from me for so long, but I always gave in. Thank you, Jesus. Like, as mad as I am, I am soooooo relieved and so happy. Just cutting him off without a valid reason wasn't going to work for me. Now that I have that reason, I feel a lot better. Deleted him out my phone, deleted him from FB, now I have no freaking reason to talk to him. What can I say? It was good while it lasted (and boy, was it good *wink*). But I was telling one of my homeboys about it and he was like, "He's gonna come back. It's just up to you to say no and keep it that way." I feel like he's absolutely right. He was like, "Give it a few months and dude will call you or text you. You just gotta ignore it." We had been messing around for over a year. It's not like we just started chilling or anything like that. I won't say we have history or anything like that, but in a way we kind of do. When you have sex with a person for that long, whether you're in relationship or not, you're gonna have some sort of feelings for that person. I don't give a damn. He can sit there all day, shout to the Lord and scream until the cows come home: he had feelings for me. And unfortunately, as this blog shows, I had feelings for him. I feel like it's gonna take me a while to get over it, but I will eventually. Outta sight, outta mind. Ain't that how the saying goes? Like, it was hard to get over him while we were still texting/calling each other, but when you don't talk to that person for a long time, that shit subsides eventually. Obviously he didn't care about me enough to be honest with me, so I could give a shit about him now. When I found out, I was to the point where I didn't care if he walked into oncoming traffic or some shit like that, real talk. I know that's not right but when you mad, you mad. But I'm cool now. Talking it out with my friends and thinking about it has done me good, I guess. All I can say is I'm glad he's in another state because if he was still living here, he would've gotten fucked up. And that's real. I was telling one of my friends that when I get really mad, it ain't pretty. It's prety terrible, actually. I probably would've busted out his windows or something like that. I'm just upset that he couldn't be honest with me about it, you know? I let him know when I had a boyfriend and we stopped talking and fooling around when I was in that relationship. But he couldn't have been man enough to tell me? Like, what the fuck? You cheated on your girlfriend with me. I don't even know how long they've been together, but I just feel bad for ol girl. Like damn, homie. You're dude cheated on you with me. I could FB her and tell her, but A) I'm not one for drama and B) I don't wanna be the person in the middle. I AM classy, I'll give myself that, lol. I just don't like being lied to. As far as my pet peeves, aside from people being tardy, people not returning texts/calls and people staring at me, a liar is quite high on the list. He lied by omission, but IT'S STILL FUCKING LYING. Man, I am TOO good for this. God has blessed me many times over, and I don't freaking deserve to be treated like this. I'm awesome, cute, I have 2 degrees, my own car and crib...AND a full-time well-paying job...AND I'm trying to go to law school! But in the end, I also let myself be treated this way. So yes, it's my fault. I'm woman enough to admit that. Never too prideful to admit when I'm wrong. I guess that's it, though. I guess that's the last hurrah. Til next time...DEUCES. | | |
| I don't even know what to feel. I guess that's a lie. I know what I want to feel, but I don't reall know how to get there is a better way of putting it. So...Mr. FWB came back to town this weekend, since it was his alma mater's Homecoming. He told me 2 weeks ago that he'd be here, and I guess it didn't really hit me. He asked me if I was excited to see him, and, being the smart ass that I am, I said no. But as time dwindled, I did sort of get excited. After all, I hadn't seen him in 3 months and hadn't necessarily gotten the closure I was looking for. So we saw each other Thursday, after my tossing and turning and studying and mocha-drinking left me restless. We chilled or whatnot, chatted, watched some TV and headed to bed. He ended up sleeping over til about noon the next day, which was cool with me. What I'm trying to say, in short, is that I'd like to be done with him. I feel like I'm in one of those situations where I wish I'd never gotten involved with him, wish I'd never MET him in a way. Had I not, I wouldn't be on this emotional roller coaster I'm on now. Since he moved away, it's like I think about him nonstop, I yearn to see him, I compare dudes I meet to him...and I'm tired of it. I let it slide at first, thinking it was alright for me to be like that because he did kind of mean something to me. But he's been gone for months, I've seen him, I feel like I've gotten my closure and now I want my mind to be done with him. I want to NOT want him. There we go! That's it right there. And it's funny because I tell myself how much I don't want to be with him and how I'd never be with him if he asked me. See, this entire post goes back to the one I had about "FWBs" and how they never work. And I'm still a firm believer that they don't work. I'm still trying to figure out what it is that he has. I'm sure there's someone out there who looks better (he's gorgeous, however), who has a better personality (he's silly, sarcastic and can hold intellectual conversations like me, btw) and who has this, that and the third over him. But...I've yet to find that combo. Whatever it is that he has has got my mind in some sort of euphoric state. And every time I think of the fact that he's 12 hrs away, I still get sad. When he doesn't immediately return my texts, I get agitated. When he does text, I'm giddy. I'm a staunch believer in "whatever's meant to be, will be" and I'm begging God to like, hurry it up with this situation. I feel like I'm no closer to being over him than I was say, 3 months ago. It's like, as soon as I'm at the edge of being indifferent about him, it starts back at Level One like fucking clockwork. I'm getting to the point where eventually I'm going to get involved with someone else, meet the man of my "dreams" and get married...and still think about his ass. That's my biggest fear. One thing I don't want is for me to think of him as "the one who got away" until the day I die. Maybe my ex was right when he called me "stupid" for going back to him. I guess the heart (or body) wants what it wants... | | |
| I went to the DMV area this weekend for one of my homegirl's birthdays. We spent the night in Maryland, visited Virginia and partied it up in D.C. (Love and Lounge 201 to be exact). The next day (which was yesterday), we headed to Kings Dominion to end our trip. Kings Dominion probably has more roller coasters than any amusement park out there (about 12, I think). Well, I'm a thrill seeker and I absolutely love coasters, so I was geeked. I got on every single coaster there (plus that Drop thing), but the wooden coasters were absolute trash. I think they had 3 (Grizzly, Hurler and Rebel Yell). I feel like wooden coasters are the truth, but I can't even begin to explain to you the headaches (and possilbe concussion) I received from getting my damn head banged around so much. Shit was not cool. Other than that, my hair getting messed up after every ride and the 110 degree weather, I had a freaking blast. I'm definitely thinking about going to Carowinds in Charlotte, NC for part of my birthday weekend. Since my bday is really close to Halloween, Carowinds turns into "Scarowinds" with like, haunted houses and such. I love Halloween (my fave holiday!). I'm mad at how I'm already thinking about this and my birthday is 3 months away, lol. But hey: Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance. I'll probably do Carowinds, a grown-and-sexy dinner, and then go out to an upscale club (you really can't get that upscale in the Durham-Raleigh-Chapel Hill, but I'll see what I can find :) ). I'm mad at how I'm just sittin' on my couch chillin' when I should've taken a shower by now. Honestly, I've been sitting around all day. I had to catch up on sleep from that weekend trip. I did get up and go work out for an hour and a half, so it wasn't a completely useless day. And in a few, I'm going out for a late-night LSAT study session with one of my frat brothers. Oh, how exciting! My goals (to get done by the end of the year) are to lose weight (10 lbs is ideal), stop smoking completely and get my desired score on the LSAT. If I can get a 160, I think I'll have a damn good shot at getting into the law school I'd like to attend (NCCU School of Law). That would be fab-o, considering it's about 5 miles from my apartment! Very convenient. I really don't wanna move outta state for law school, but I will if need be. That's about it for now. I reckon I need to shower... | | |
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